Article
People lie for different
reasons and it hurts more when someone you love and trust lies to you. Jumia
Travel, the leading online travel agency, shares 8 ways to help you deal with
lies and temper its effect on your emotions and perceptions.
Recognize
that you are being lied to
Before proceeding to deal
with lies, you must first establish that you are being lied to. When you are
sure, beyond any doubt, that you have been or are being lied to, you can then
proceed to deal with it.
Look
for patterns in the person’s lies
This is done in an attempt
to understand why the person is lying to you. It is easier to deal with when
you can identify why the person is lying to you. However, if after some
analysis it seems to you that the person is lying for no reason, then there is
a bigger problem at hand - you are possibly dealing with a compulsive or
pathological liar. If you are not careful, the person’s lies can distort your
reality to the point where you actually begin to believe the lies might be
true.
Determine
if the person’s lies are harmful
Truth is there is no such
thing as a harmless lie, but some lies are more harmful than others. You need
to figure out how the lies affect you, the person lying and others that might
be involved. Is the person lying to protect, escape the consequence of an
error, or manipulate? More importantly, are the lies manipulating you into
making decisions or acting in ways that are unlike you or your personality?
Decide
whether or not to confront the liar
This is a personal choice.
After you are sure, beyond reasonable doubt, that you have been lied to, you
need to sit down, think and decide on your course of action. Determine the
better alternative between confronting the liar and keeping to yourself the
fact that you know the truth. You can keep it to yourself to inform your future
decisions concerning the liar and anything that has to do with the liar.
Document
the lies
This seems funny but if
you neglect this you can be made the fool, especially when you confront the liar
for his/her lies. You don’t have to show the documentation to anyone, it is
mainly for you so you don’t lose sight of the truth. You should document the
instance of the lie and why you believe it is a lie. Do some research (an
objective one) to get some evidence proving the lie, you should be able to show
the liar (and to some degree even yourself), without a doubt, that a lie or
lies have been told.
Talk
to the person privately
If you must confront the
liar, don’t do so in public. That tends to have a less than desired effect and
isn’t likely to help the person change. When you talk to the person, don’t be
condescending or aggressive, calmly point out the person’s lie(s) with evidence
and give them space to react. If the person admits the lie(s), then they are
most likely remorseful. You can give the person a chance to explain the lie(s).
If the person doesn’t
admit the lie after being caught with evidence, then there is a deeper problem
– you are more likely dealing with a compulsive or pathological liar. You
should tread carefully and wisely at this point because they are unlikely to
admit the truth no matter how aggressive you get.
Prepare
for resulting trust issues
After being lied to,
prepare for the fact that you are likely going to have difficulty trusting
people again because the feeling of betrayal doesn’t fade easily. At this
point, it helps to remember that there are still honest people in the world,
regardless of how few they might be. Remind yourself that no one deserves to be
judged by the mistakes of others – everyone deserves a chance.
Protect
yourself
Dealing with lies can be
emotionally exhausting. Ensure that you don’t get wrapped up in a person’s lies
again. Ensure that at every point you always have a firm grasp on the truth. If
things get out of hand and you have to endure mental and psychological trauma
because of a person’s lies, it advisable to distance yourself from the liar,
and in more extreme cases, cut the person off completely.
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